What Should Wrestling Parents Do and Say When Their Child Loses?

Wrestling is brutal. Your child will step onto that mat alone, give everything they have, and sometimes—often—they’ll walk off defeated. As a wrestling parent, those moments can feel just as crushing for you as they do for your wrestler. But how you respond in those critical minutes and hours after a loss can either build your child’s resilience or tear it down.

Here’s what to do and say (and what to avoid) before, during, and after your wrestler loses.

Before the Match: Setting the Foundation

What to Say

Keep it simple and supportive:

• “I’m proud of how hard you’ve been working.”
• “Go out there and wrestle your match.”
• “I’ll be cheering for you no matter what happens.”
• “Trust your training.”

Focus on process, not outcome:

• “Remember to keep your head up and hands moving.”
• “Stick to your game plan.”
• “Have fun out there.”

What NOT to Say

Avoid putting additional pressure on your wrestler:

• “You better win this one.”
• “Don’t embarrass yourself.”
• “This match determines if you make varsity.”
• “I spent $500 on this tournament, so make it count.”

Your Mindset Going In

Remember: Your wrestler already knows the stakes. They don’t need you to remind them. Your job is to be their emotional anchor, not their additional source of pressure.

During the Match: Managing Your Own Emotions

In the Stands

Do:

• Cheer positively for your wrestler
• Support their technique: “Nice shot!” “Good hand fighting!”
• Stay engaged but calm
• Sit with other supportive wrestling parents when possible

Don’t:

• Coach from the stands (your wrestler can’t hear you anyway)
• Argue with referees or their calls
• Make negative comments about the opponent
• Show visible frustration or anger that your wrestler might see

Reading the Room

Wrestling tournaments are emotional pressure cookers. If you can see your wrestler is struggling, they can probably see you too. Your body language matters more than you think.

Your wrestler is watching you between periods. They’re looking for reassurance, not panic.

After a Loss: The Critical 24 Hours

This is where most parents get it wrong. Your response in the first few minutes after a loss sets the tone for how your wrestler processes the experience.

Immediately After (First 10 Minutes)

Physical presence matters most:

• Give them a hug if they want one
• Hand them water or their towel
• Simply be present without trying to “fix” anything

What to say:

• “I’m proud of you.”
• “You gave it everything you had.”
• “I love watching you compete.”
• Say nothing at all—sometimes presence is enough

What NOT to say:

• “You’ll get him next time.”
• “The ref made bad calls.”
• “You should have done X instead of Y.”
• “Don’t be upset, it’s just a match.”

The Car Ride Home (30 Minutes to 2 Hours Later)

This is often when the real emotions come out. Your wrestler might be angry, sad, or completely shut down.

If they want to talk about it:

• Listen more than you speak
• Ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling?” “What was going through your mind out there?”
• Validate their emotions: “It’s okay to be disappointed.”

If they don’t want to talk:

• Respect their need for space
• Play music they like
• Stop for their favorite food if they’re hungry
• Don’t force conversation

That Evening: Processing the Loss

By evening, your wrestler has had time to cool down physically and emotionally. This is when constructive conversation can happen.

Effective questions:

• “What did you learn from that match?”
• “Is there anything you want to work on in practice this week?”
• “How do you think you handled the pressure out there?”

Share perspective without dismissing their feelings:

• “Even Olympic wrestlers lose matches. What matters is how you bounce back.”
• “I’ve watched you grow so much this season, and that showed today even in the loss.”

The Next Day: Moving Forward

Don’t Bring It Up First

Let your wrestler decide if and when they want to discuss the match. Some wrestlers process losses quickly and want to move on. Others need more time.

Focus on the Next Opportunity

• “When’s your next match?”
• “What are you excited to work on in practice this week?”
• Help them look forward, not backward

Trust the Process

Wrestling teaches life lessons that losing in other sports simply can’t. Your child is learning:

• How to handle disappointment
• How to get back up after being knocked down
• How to compete under pressure
• How to respect opponents who beat them

These lessons are more valuable than any trophy.

Special Situations

Tournament Losses vs. Dual Meet Losses

Tournament losses often feel more significant because of the time and money invested. Remember that your response should be the same regardless of the setting.

Season-Ending Losses

Losses that end the season (sectionals, state qualifiers) require extra patience. Your wrestler may need days or weeks to process these defeats. Don’t rush them.

Losses to “Easier” Opponents

These sting the most. Your wrestler expected to win, and now they’re dealing with disappointment and embarrassment. Extra empathy is needed here.

What Successful Wrestling Parents Do Differently

They focus on effort over outcome: “You never stopped fighting” carries more weight than “better luck next time.”

They trust the coaching: Unless there are serious safety concerns, they let coaches handle the technical feedback.

They model emotional regulation: Kids learn how to handle disappointment by watching their parents handle disappointment.

They remember the long game: High school wrestling is about developing character, not just winning matches.

Red Flags: When Your Response Isn’t Helping

Watch for these signs that your approach might need adjustment:

• Your wrestler stops telling you about matches
• They seem more anxious before competitions when you’re there
• They ask you not to come to tournaments
• Their coach pulls you aside for a conversation

The Bottom Line

Your wrestler doesn’t need you to be their coach, their critic, or their therapist after a loss. They need you to be their parent—someone who loves them unconditionally and believes in them even when they don’t believe in themselves.

Wrestling is hard enough without feeling like they’re disappointing the people who matter most to them. Your job isn’t to make the loss hurt less; it’s to make sure your wrestler knows that your love and support aren’t conditional on their performance on the mat.

The matches they lose might be the ones they remember most. Make sure they remember feeling supported, not judged, in those difficult moments.

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Remember: Every wrestler, from beginner to state champion, faces losses. How you handle these moments as a parent will shape not just their wrestling career, but their approach to challenges for the rest of their life.

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